Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
