"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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