I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's always time for handjobs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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