I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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