How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
