SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
