i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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