why didn't you poke me back
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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