i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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