so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Come see our sink grown plant.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
