I can't watch pbs sober anymore
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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