i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
