I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All the doctor said was why
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He did a backflip because drugs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
