i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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