If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
