I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
