I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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