He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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