my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
