...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
