If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
