i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
