I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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