Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
