i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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