if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
