Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
