There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
