I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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