But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
