i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
