i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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