I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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