Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
