how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
