Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
