Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
