This is not my ceiling
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
