at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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