so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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