when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
