as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
