Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
