he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
