I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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