Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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