just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There r osticjed everywhere
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
