I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize