y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
