Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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