I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
