Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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