you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
