and you said cock pushups were impossible
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
