i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Still dying that you shit outside
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
