I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
