So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize