I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
