Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
