If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
