but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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