is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
