What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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