apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
