She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
