If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
