He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
