Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In America we eat man semen.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize