I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
