I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
