How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
