Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
