You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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