Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
