I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
