Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
