So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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