i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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