I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
