My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
